One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

This title "One Step Forward and Two Steps Back" isn't just part of a routine on "Dancing with the Stars" it's life. 

In starting this blog I wanted to write about this new concept on weight and my life long struggle (there have been numerous writings on the subject).  So, when the idea hit me that fat is really just energy waiting to be harnessed that created an image of all these fat cells just wanting to express themselves as fulfilled energy.  As a person who has spent many hours and dollars in 'self improvement' seminars, workshops and weekends listening to inspiring leaders urging the group onto finding our bliss and living our best life ever (sorry, Oprah, you weren't the first with that expression) this seemed like a place where my little fat cells needed to travel.  So wouldn't it be interesting if I became the inspirational speaker for my own fat!

These fat cells and I have been together for a very long time.  Some have moved on to energy and other have joined... (I have spent most of my life looking like a human accordion.... fat - thin-ish - fatter - less thin... you get the picture).  Might as well use all those hours of self-improvement experience. 

When I started back in June it was working brilliantly my weight was dropping only through my thoughts of encouraging my fat to be energy.  Why hadn't I done this before?  As a person thinks so are they.  My new favorite speaker, Mike Dooley, has coined a phrase "Thoughts become things so choose the good ones" (By the way if you aren't signed up to his "Notes from the Universe" do yourself a favor). Things were moving along great for my thinking off my weight and then that 'voice' started in.  (It was also the voice that suggested I forget about writing this blog because I was a self proclaimed Luddite and didn't really have much to say anyway).  The negative energy kept pushing me back into my old patterns of life... I've been on an ice cream binge extraordinaire...I've been believing that negativity and going back toward my old way of life.  (Many years before hearing about Dr. Phil I always suggested to friends "And how is that working for you?"... I've got the annoyed friends to prove it).  How was that working for me?  Badly.

But the negative energy was keeping me from my new ideas that were working to put me back onto a more familiar path.  Then I conjured up another analogy (I got a million of em) I'm driving this bus of my life and this energy, negative or otherwise, is just the fuel but I get to set the GPS and drive the bus.  Those negative thoughts are backseat drivers.  Sometimes that 'little voice inside' can give some good suggestions - don't go down that road because there's construction, you need to stop for stamps or don't forget the ice cream.  But that's all they are - suggestions - some of which we programmed ourselves as children.  That is a whole other topic but if you created these protections as a 5 year old that would mean we're still making some decisions from that perspective but would you let a 5 year old drive your car?  No.  Then why are we letting a 5-year-old drive our lives?

So after the sadness of going back on what I'd originally set out to do I chose to change course and go in the direction of what I want and how I want to live my life.

Even though I had to take those two steps back sometimes that's all you need to get a running start.

Food Isn't The Enemy...It's Me!

In my quest to "awaken my fat to its true mission in life" (becoming energy for me) I can't help but think about all the years of fearing food.  Which foods are good... Which are bad...Guilt... Sneak Eating... Calories... Carbs... Fats... Counting.... Weighing... It's no wonder I'm gaining weight, because apparently what you think about is what you draw to yourself.  Great, so all this time that I've been panicking about my weight I was really begging to get more.

A friend of mine recently ate chocolate and told me how guilty she felt about doing that.  How many times did I feel the burn of guilt after eating ‘something bad’… I can’t even count.  But what are we guilty about?  Did we steal this food? No.  Did it belong to someone else? No.  So where is this guilt going?  Oh, that’s right, the guilt is going into our bag of personal torture devices.  Guilt is seated right next to self loathing (it’s a tight fit, but they are very close) and next to them is unrealistic expectations which happens to be holding hands with misery over lost dreams… I think you get the picture.

No more guilt (a wasted emotion) – food is just food, and I am no longer an 8 year old who is being scrutinized by what I am “supposed” to eat.  So now the more that I get in touch with what hunger signals my body is actually sending, I don’t have to eat until I am unable to move in order to be full, and neither do I have to wait until my hands shake and my stomach groans before I allow myself to eat.  There is a happy medium, but finding that sweet spot is a journey in itself, one step at a time. 

Why Weight ... The Time Is Now!

My weight has been an issue my whole life. Well, even when it wasn't an issue I was led to believe it was a problem.  As a result, my weight continued to grow as I filled the pockets of every weight loss conglomerate to try and shed these unwanted pounds. I've spent my life as a human accordion - fat gain/weight loss/fat gain/weight loss (losing the size of an entire family in the process). All the while hating this fat.  Blaming my fat for any life challenges or any issues faced. Always turning my anger on my arch enemy - my super powered nemesis - FAT.  

"What you resist persists." After years of angst it recently hit me.  What is fat anyway? It's stored energy.  It's not an evil overlord with the ulterior motive of ruining my life (Tell that to my teenage years that were ruined by being a fattie). But 'fat' was just a thing, a mere noun and not a ruthless destroyer of lives. 

A scientific definition - "Fat is a necessary, efficient source of energy. An ounce of fat contains more than twice as much stored energy as does an ounce of protein or carbohydrates and is digested more slowly, resulting in the sensation of satiety after eating. It also enhances the taste, aroma, and texture of food. Fat, or adipose tissue, protects and insulates internal organs against heat loss and regulates cholesterol metabolism."

I had no idea fat was so awesome!

This gave me an idea to stop fighting and start inspiring my own fat.  After reading all these inspirational books about visualizing and manifesting, it was time to use what I learned. I was going to be an inspirational leader to my fat.  Appeal to its natural talents rather than hating it and fighting it. Rally the fat troops to live up to their full potential of being energy.

The battle cry: "Come on fat cells!  We've been together a long time. Now it's your turn to do what it is you do best.... Be Energy!  I am no longer going to hold you back with slurs and epithets hurled to hurt your feelings.  You have goals, my dear fat, and I will no longer stand in your way. So I encourage you to get out there and be energy.  Live the life that was meant for you and you alone. You were born as energy and you should live as energy.  Go fat go!"

So that's where I am at this point.  I do sort of feel a bit of a shift and feel like eating carrots and hummus.  Who knows, maybe this could be the answer to my weight problem... I mean 'weight energy.'